Sunday, December 1, 2013

Wood-Paneled Memories Light the Corners of my Mind.

Breaker Breaker Good Buddies!

Welcome to a very special road trip edition of "Saturday" the book.  It's currently Sunday morning in the world of the McGreevy family.  India has done her waking upping and breakfasting, and now she's being chauffeured to a mysterious day of mystery:

The McGreevys are a two-car household.  Fred commutes to and from work in some kind of nondescript lemon.  But for family trips, they hop in the old reliable County Baron station wagon.  Ah, for the days when wood paneling came on everything: station wagons, living rooms, dishes, sweaters, sandwiches, etc.  Because nothing says class like wood panels.  Middle class.

And while you're driving to wherever in real wood-paneled style, why not partake in that other American pastime?  Tax fraud?  No, friend, I'm talking about making vague threats to small children.  Only if they belong to you, of course.  That's what makes it legal and fun!

Last week was Thanksgiving, so threatening members of one's family is still as fresh in my mind as cranberry relish thrown at my sharp-tongued, spinster aunt.  You can see it on the Thanksgiving Day special episode of "Cops".

These days, we're all so politically correct that dealing with children is like hostage negotiation.  It involves a lot of bargaining and rewards instead of the tried and true vague threats of shipping your kids off to Captain Red Face's Military Boarding school or an unpaid internship in the Black Lung Mines.  What on earth are therapists in the future supposed to do when adults no longer have childhood trauma to overcome?

My parents never made any such threats when I was a kid, so I don't have any specific stories to share.  Until my tell-all book comes out: "Saturday: The Tragedy and Misery Behind the Panels".  Available in January of 2015.


PS: Mom and Pop: I'm just kidding about the stories of childhood trauma.  I have LOADS of them to share.  You can read all about them in my up coming tell-all book.

Available in January of 2015.


  1. Love it! What is it about Thanksgiving (or any family holiday, really), that brings out the snark in us? You captured it *really* well, and I can't wait to read India in all of her glory once the book is done. I never comment, but will make more of an effort - I've been showing snippets to my 11-year old, and it's been a treat to show him a book-in-process, if that makes any sense. Kind of lifting the curtain to show him how much effort is involved in writing a illustrated book. So thank you and keep up the awesome work :) - Anna

  2. Thank you so much, Anna. I'm glad you and your son are enjoying the updates. Hopefully you haven't seen too much of how the sausage is made to enjoy the book when it's finally finished. I'm getting closer every day to completing "Saturday" and I can't wait to share it with you.