Monday, December 5, 2016

Of Pipe Dreams and Duck Presses


Welcome to the latest update on “Saturday” the book: the update that’s produced only slightly more often than new episodes of “Matlock”.

Sorry about the super long hiatus since the last “Saturday” update (he said, erroneously assuming anyone remembered him). I can see by the hatch marks scratched into the cell wall that I haven’t written an update since August.

The way I figures it, there are at least a couple of solid reasons for not posting for so long:

-Coma (preferably one brought on after some kind of Evel Knievel-esque stunt like jumping over a dozen flaming sharks and a swimming pool full of ravenous school buses).
-Marooned on a desert island. Out of curiosity, why always desert? There are lots of island types to choose from: Tropical, glacial, traffic, etc.
-Held for ransom. By…I don’t know…sentient apes or something. The Simian-ese Liberation Army.
-Cornered in the bathroom by a really big spider.

No dice on any of those, though. I’ve mostly just run out of things to say about Saturday. Though not completely on other topics. And if you really miss my pointless nattering, you can sign up for “Illustration Monthy-ish” HERE. It’s my once-per-month-max-no-more-than-that-I-promise newsletter about my recent illustration projects and…well, that’s pretty much it. So, if you like that kind of thing…good news!

Anyhoo, since my last transmission I’ve been focused on the new book (and some paying work because living indoors is my favorite). I’m having a ton of fun with it. I may have mentioned this before, but I’d rather make the things than sell the things. But I’m pretty sure that’s the mournful wail of most people who make stuff. Particularly the Willy Lomans like me.

The whole time I’ve been trying to half-heartedly sell “Saturday”, I’ve also been secretly hoping someone (like a big store or a major publisher) would magically appear and graciously offer to sell the book and give me the money while I pursue my maniacal creative endeavors. A kind of corporate sugar daddy, to use a creepy term that makes me want to shower. Part of me always knew it was a pipe dream (I just looked it up and this phrase refers to opium and not, as I’d previously thought, plumbing).

And then…it actually happened. A major retailer began selling “Saturday”.

I know, it’s hard to believe. Particularly given the incredible effort I’ve been putting in since…uh…August. Or ever, I guess. Nevertheless, I now have a heavy-hitting retail outlet in my corner. And that retail outlet is Goodwill of Silicon Valley.

Yes, at some point, someone out there bought or, more likely, was given a copy of “Saturday” and it wound up with the good folks of Goodwill Industries. Most likely inside a beat up cardboard box along with an ugly fitted sheet (sans top sheet and pillowcases) and a video cassette of “Tango and Cash”.

And they’re selling it for fifty bucks (shipping not included).

So if you’re looking for a copy of “Saturday” or you’re in the market for a 1993 Disney World t-shirt that smells like cigarette ash and Mr. Pibb, go see the good folks at Goodwill of Silicon Valley!

Also, the holidays.

Hey, in case the sound of Christmas music at the gas station didn’t tip you off, the holidays are right around the corner! Yes, they’re waiting just out of sight to pounce and take your money, like a drifter with half a pair of scissors and a hankerin’ for cheap scotch. The good news is that I’ve made a special holiday gift guide for those of you who know people or are people with a serious book habit and a jones for something unique.

Noah’s Gift Guide:

1.) “Saturday”, by Noah Kroese.

Welp, that about wraps up the gift guide! Act now and you can pick up this wacky book for just $35! That’s an incredible deal. It’s 42% less than what it would cost you to buy this book at Goodwill of Silicon Valley. Also, they’ve only got one copy. And it’s used.

Use your computing machine to buy a brand spankin’ new copy here:

Ok, ok: A one-item list is super lame. Here are some other ideas:

-Guava Jam, from a Kickstarter backer of mine who launched their own project:
I haven’t had guava jam myself, but it seems neat.

-The First Robot President:  This is a book by a friend of mine and it’s wacky and hilarious.

-Rattlerstrap Paracord Survival Belts:
Great for people who wear pants and might need their belts to save their lives someday.

-Finally, for the person who has everything: A duck carcass press.
They say that people tend to give the gift they’d like to receive themselves. Not so much in this case.

Welp, there you have it. I’ve run out of things to say once again, so I shall bid you adieu. If you don’t see me or hear from me before then, happy holidays!



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